A Shack is built at Zod Corner for Sphinctor by Uthry The Bastard and Randy The Holy Fool. One day when Zodpooh (who you all know fondly as Zodboy Rembros) had nothing else to do, he thought he would do something, so he went round to Li'l Zodlet's (aka the True Jerry's) love shack to see what Li'l Zodlet was doing. The manure pile was still overflowing as he stumbled over the fly-infested forest track, and he expected to find Li'l Zodlet warming his cock in front of his fire, but to his surprise he saw that the outhouse door was open, and the more he looked inside the more Li'l Zodlet wasn't there. "He's out taking a crap after a hearty meal of beef," said Zodpooh sadly. "That's what it is. He's not in. I shall have to go a fast Drunken Walk by myself. Bother!" But first he thought that he would piss very loudly to make quite sure . . . and while he waited for Li'l Zodlet not to answer, he jumped up and down to keep his rum warm, and a hum came suddenly into his head, which seemed to him a Good Hum, such as is Hummed Hopefully to Others (hic). The more it blows (Tiddely porn), The more it fuckin' grows (Tiddely porn), The more my penis grows (heh) (Tiddely porn), From blowing. (there she blows!) And nobody knowssssssss (Tiddely porn), How cold my fuckin' hose (Tiddely porn), How cold my goddamn fuckin' hose... (Tiddely porn), My dick is growing (hic)! "So what I'll do," said Zodpooh thoughtfully, "is I'll do this. I'll just go home first and see what the time is, and perhaps I'll put a skanky muff round my mouth, and then I'll go and see Sphinctor and show it to him. Yeah, that's what I'll do!" He hurried back to his own shack; and his mind was so busy about the muff and his damn hum that he was getting ready for Sphinctor (and we all know how that can be?!) that, when he suddenly saw Li'l Zodlet sitting in his best throne (toilet, naturally), he could only stand there rubbing his cockhead and wondering whose feces-ridden shack he was in. "Hallo, Li'l Zodlet," he said he said. "I thought you were out takin' a dump." "No," said Lil Zodlet, "it's you who was taking a dump, Zodpooh." "So it was!" said Zodpooh. "I knew one of us was, I always forget...." He looked up at his clock, which had stopped at five minutes to eleven some months ago. "Nearly eleven o'clock," said Zodpooh happily. "You're just in time for a little smackerel of e-coli," and he put his head into the refrigerator that was stuffed with beefstick and mounds of chopped hamburger. "And then we'll go out, Li'l Zodlet, and show our muff to Sphinctor. She's good eatin'!" Which muff, Zodpooh?" "The one we're going to give it to Sphinctor, it's a mite ripe! He'll love it, I found it hanging around a medeival campfire," explained Zodpooh. The clock was was still saying five minutes to eleven when Zodpooh and Zodlet set out on their way half an hour later, having downed some beefstick and a gallon of Hamms. The wind had dropped, and the manure pile, a wind borne out of Spunky Cheeze's arse, tired of rushing round in circles trying to catch itself up, now fluttered gently down until it found a place on which to rest its brown cloud, and sometimes the place was Zodpooh's nose and sometimes it wasn't, and in a little while Zodlet was wearing a brown muffler round his neck and feeling more shitty behind the ears than he had ever felt before. "Zodpooh," he farted at last, and a little timmidly, because he didn't want Zodpooh to think he was Giving In, "I..I...I was just wondering. How would it be if we went home now and ... and tested out your muff, and then sang a so-song about her to Sphinctor to-morrow--or--or the next day, when we happen to see him." "That's a very good idea about the song, Li'l Zodlet, you damn weeny," belched Zodpooh. "We'll practice it now as we go along. But it's no good going home to practice it, cause it's a special Outdoor Song which Has To Be Sung In The Manure While You're Wankin' Off." "Are you sure?" asked Zodlet anxiously looking at his tumescent wee-wanker. "Well, you'll see, Zodlet, when you listen. Because this is how it begins-- --The more you shit, tiddely porn--" "Tiddely what?" said Zodlet. "Porn," said Zodpooh. "I put that in to make it more hummy, you weasely dip!-- --The more it goes, tiddely porn, the more--" "Didn't you say shit?" "Yes, but that was before." "Before the tiddely porn?" "It was a different tiddely porn," said Zodpooh, feeling rather pissed off and ornery now. "I'll sing it to you properly and then you'll see, and then I'll beat the crap out of you." So he sang it again. The more I shit-tiddely-porn, The more my schlong grows-tiddely-porn The more my ass goes-tiddely-porn On shitting. And nobody KNOWS-tiddely-porn, How cold my hose-tiddely-porn How cold my hose-tiddely-porn My dick is growing. He sang it like that, which is much the best way of singing it, and when he had finished, he waited for Li'l Zodlet to say that, of all the Outdoor Hums for Shitty Weather he had heard, this was the best. And, after thinking the matter out carefully, Li' Zodlet said: "Zodpooh," he gassed out solemnly, "it isn't the hose so much as the protective cup." By this time they were getting near Sphinctor's Gloomy Place, which was where he lived, and as it was still very shitty behind Li'l Zodlet's ears, and he was getting tired of it, they turned into a little pine wood, and sat down on the gate which led into it. They were out of the manure storm now, but it was very cold, and to keep themselves warm they sang Zodpooh's song right through six times while shagging each other, Zodlet doing the tiddely-porns and Zodpooh doing the rest of it, and both of them thumping on the top of the gate with their woodies in the proper places. And in a little while they felt much warmer, and were able to talk again. "I've been thinking," said Zodpooh, "and what I've been thinking is this. I've been thinking about Sphinctor." "What about my sphinctor?" "Well, poor Sphinctor has nowhere to live and shag skanky chicks." "Nor he has," said Zodlet, catching on. "You have a shack, Zodlet, and I have a shack, and they are very good shacks. And Skystroker Lubin' has a shack, and Hole and Kanga-Banga and Fuckin-Rabbit have shacks, and even Fuckin' Rabbit's fuck-buddies and in-breeders have shacks or somethings, but poor Shinctor has nothing, nothing but a torn out butt-hole. So what I've been thinking is: Let's build him a Love Shack. "That," said Zodlet, "Is a Grand Idea. Where shall we build it?" "We will build it here," said Zodpooh, "Just by this wood, out of my Mariah wind, because this is where I thought of it. And we will call this Zodpooh Fartnocker Corner for Sphinctor." "There was a heap of sticks, a faggot of them, on the other side of the wood," said Zodlet. "I saw them. Lots and lots. All piled up." "Thank you, Zodlet," said Zodpooh. "What you have just said will be a Great Help to us, and because of it I shall make you squeal like a pig, and call this place Zodpooh's Deliverence-Of-Zodlet's-Rusty-Butthole, if Zodpooh Fartnocker Corner didn't sound better, which it does, being smaller and more like a cancer. Come along. Oh, and bring a banjo, we may need to practice for dueling banjos." So they got down off the gate, strumming a banjo in idiot-fashion, and went around to the other side of the wood to fetch the faggot. Skystroker Lubin' had spent the morning indoors going to Africa to boff the chicks in National Geographic, and he had just got off the banana boat and was wondering what it was like outside, when who should come knocking at the door but Sphinctor. "Hallo, Sphinctor," said Skystroker Lubin', as he opened the door ominously and came (and we do mean came, he's very sensitive). "Sorry about the mess, but I am a Dirty Old Jedi Man, as my father was a Dirty Old Jedi before me. How are YOU?" "It's shitting a storm still," said Sphinctor gloomily. "So it is." "And freezing my balls." "Is it?" Skystroker lighted up his Jedi lube jar so he may apply some healing balm to Sphinctor's balls, but the latter declines, and Lubin' powers down the lube jar. "Yes," said Sphinctor. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had a nuclear winter lately. I see you have constructed a new lube jar, Skystroker, after you broke the last one. Your training as a Dirty Old Jedi is now complete." "What's the matter, Sphinctor?" "Nothing, Skystroker Lubin'. Nothing important. I suppose you haven't seen a shack or whatnot anywhere about?" "What sort of shack?" "Just a shack." "Who lives there? Anyone who want to join the slick side?" "I do. I want a slickdown performed by a skanky muff! At least I thought I did. But I suppose I don't. After all, we can't all have shacks or slickdowns." "But Sphinctor, I didn't know. I always thought--" "I don't know how it is, Skystroker Lubin', but what with all this shit and one thing and another, not to mention icicles on my nutsack and such-like, it isn't so Hot in my field about three o'clock in the morning as some people think it is. It isn't Close, if you know what I mean--not so as to be uncomfortable. It isn't Stuffy. In fact Skystroker Lubin'," he went on in a loud whisper, "quite-between-ourselves-and-don't-tell-any-body, it's fucking cold." "Oh, Sphinctor!" "And I said to myself: The others will be sorry if I'm getting myself fucking cold. They haven't got Brains, any of them, only grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake, and they don't Think, but if it goes on shitting up a storm for another six weeks or so, one of them will begin to say to himself: 'Sphinctor can't be so very much too Hot about three o'clock in the morning.' And then it will Get About. And my balls will fall off. And they'll be sorry." "Oh, Sphinctor!" said Skystroker Lubin', feeling very sorry already. "I don't mean you, Skystroker Lubin'. You're different. You're not like the other reindeer children. What makes your nose so bright? So what it all comes to is that I built myself a shack down by little wood." "Did you really? How exciting!" " The really exciting part," said Sphinctor in his most melancholy voice, "is that when I left it this morning it was there, and when I came back it wasn't. Not at all, very natural, and it was Sphinctor's shack. But still I just... wondered. Skystroker Lubin' didn't stop to wonder. He was already back in his shack, putting on his waterproof hat, his waterproof boots, and his waterproof Macintosh as fast as he could, while greasing up his butthole... with his special lube, naturally. "We'll go and look for it at once," he called out to Sphinctor. "Sometimes," said Sphinctor, "when people have quite finished fucking with a person's shack, there are one or two bits which they don't want and are rather glad for the person to take back, if you know what I mean. Like a skanky muff that's been shagged one too many times, it may be dried out like a husk. So I thought if we just went--" "Come on," said Skystroker Lubin', and off they hurried, and in a very little time they got to the corner of the field by the side of the pine-wood, where Sphinctor's shack wasn't any longer. "There!" said Sphinctor. "Not a stick left of that faggot heap! Of course, I've still got all this snow to do what I like with. One musn't complain." But Skystroker Lubin' wasn't listening to Sphinctor's incessant whining, he was listening to something else. "Can't you hear it?" he asked. "What is it? Somebody blowing chunks?" "Listen." They both listened . . . and they heard a deep gruff voice saying in a singing voice that the more it snowed the more it went on snowing and a small voice tiddely-porning in between. "It's Zodpooh," said Skystroker Lubin' lustily. "Possibly," said Sphincter, rubbing his sore ass and wincing. "And Li'l Zodlet!" said Skystroker Lubin' lustily. "Probably what we want is a trained executioner." The words of the song changed suddenly. "We've finished our LOVE SHACK!" sang the gruff voice. "Tiddely porn!" sang the squeeky one. "It's a beautiful LOVE SHACK baby . . ." "Tiddely porn . . ." "I wish it were MINE . . ." "Tiddely porn . . ." "Zodpooh!" bursted out Skystroker Lubin'. . . . The singers on the gate stopped suddenly. "It's Skystroker Lubin'!" saod Zodpooh eagerly. "I'm going to use the Force on him!" He's round by the place where we got that limp-wristed faggot from," said Zodlet. "Come on," said Zodpooh. They climbed down their gate and hurried round the corner of the wood, Zodpooh making spanking noises all the way. "Why, here is Sphinctor," said Zodpooh, when he had hinished boffing Skystroker Lubin', and he nudged Zodlet, and Zodlet nudged him, and they thought to themselves what a lovely surprise they had got ready. "Hallo, Sphinctor." "Same to you, Zodpooh Zodboy, and twice on Thursdays," said Sphinctor gloomily. Before Zodpooh could say: "Why Thursdays?" Skystroker Lubin' began to explain the sad story of Sphinctor's lost shack and his immenent lost nutsack. And Zodpooh and Zodlet listened, and their eyes seemed to get bigger and bigger. "Where did you say it was?" asked Zodpooh. "Just here," said Sphinctor. "A faggot?" "Yes." "Oh!" said Zodlet. "What?" said Sphinctor "I just said 'Oh!'" said Zodlet strocking himself nervously. And so as to seem quite at ease he hummed Tiddely-porn once or twice in a who-shall-we-insert-now kind of way. "You're sure it was a shack?" said Zodpooh. "I mean, you're sure it was the shack was just here and not some faggot?" "Of course I am," said Sphinctor. And he murmured to himself, "No brain at all some of them." "Why, what's the matter, Zodpooh?" asked Skystroker Lubin'. "Well," said Zodpooh. . . . "The fact is," said Zodpooh. . . . "Well, the fact is," said Zodpooh. . . . "You see," said Zodpooh. . . . "It's like this," said Zodpooh, and something seemed to tell him that he wasn't explaining very well, and he slapped Li'l Zodlet again. Li'l Zodlet bled and bled, his immense black-and-blue bump growing ever bigger on his abused face. "It's like this," said Zodlet quickly. . . . "Only warmer," he added after deep thought. "What's warmer?" "The other side of the wood, where Sphinctor's shack is." "My shack?" said Sphinctor. "My shack was here." "No," said Zodlet firmly. "The other side of the wood." "Because of being warmer," said Zodpooh. "But I ought to know--" "Come and look," said Zodlet simply, and he led the way, swinging his pink little ass enticingly. There wouldn't be two shacks..." said Zodpooh staring at the pork and contemplating sweet deliverence. "...Not so close together, hmmmm." They came round the corner, and there was Sphinctor's Love Shack, looking comfy as anything. The toilet seat was up, signaling that it was okay to resume "business". "There you are," said Zodlet. "Inside as well as outside," said Zodpooh proudly. Sphinctor went inside . . . and came out again, while Zodpooh chased Zodlet around the shack "you gonna be my woman Lil' Zodlet, you's gonna squeel, likes you do best." Finally catching him and pumping him severely Skystroker looked on, nodding in approval, "That's some fine bacon." "Oh my, Oh dear! Oh my very small animal bottom!" squeeled little zodlet in dismay. "It's a remarkable thing, not that you fuckers care," Sphinctor said. "It is my shack, and I built it where I said I did, so the Wind Mariah must have blown it here. And that wind blew it right over the wood, and blew it down here, and here it is as good as ever. In fact, better in places. But what do you shit eaters care? Nobody cares about Sphinctor, nobody!" Sphinctor started to cry. "Much better," said Zodpooh and Li'l Zodlet together. "It just shows what can be done by taking a little trouble," said Sphinctor. " Do you see, Zodpooh? Do you see Zodlet, you li'l shit? Fuck skank first and then Hard Work, and then fuck skank some more. Look at it! Look at it, I say! That's the way to build a Love Shack," said Sphinctor proudly, jumping up and down. "But you fuckers don't even care.... Nobody fuckin' cares about Sphinctor!" screamed Sphinctor. But nobody paid attention. They were humming. "Tiddly-porn, tiddly-porn, tiddly-porn... ahhahahahahahahahaha!" Skystroker, Zodpooh, and Zodlet laughed and laughed, rubbing each other's buttocks, quite forgetting that Sphinctor was even there. Sphinctor suddenly became wild-eyed, agitated. He got out a banjo and strummed, and then suddenly smashed it against the shack! The group was shocked into silence. "NOBODY goddamn cares about me, ol' fuckin' Sphinctor, we'll just ignore him and make fun of his goddamn shack! We'll just take Sphinctor for granted, fuck! That's what we'll do, bother!" Sphinctor was screaming frantically now, bringing out his sawed-off shotgun from underneath his raincoat. "Well, fuckers, no more! I'll just fuckin' put a fuckin' goddamn shotgun to my head, that's what I'll do! I'll just kill myself, that's what I'll do, you won't care." Then he cocked the rifle and pointed it at Zodpooh. "But first, heh, I'm gonna take you all with me! Yeah, see! Yeah! GO TO GODDAMN HELL, ZODPOOH! No more FUCKIN' MEAT AND BEER FOR YOU! GO TO HELL AND DIE! DIE! DIE!" "Oh bother," muttered Zodpooh. "Oh my," stuttered Li'L Zodlet. "Ben! NO!" remembered Skystroker Lubin', coming up from behind Sphinctor. Sphinctor was unaware of his approach. And that's when Sphinctor let Zodpooh have it, and he BLEW ZODPOOH'S HEAD CLEAN OFF. Before the smoke even cleared, Sphinctor laughed, and slammed the butt of his rifle over Li'l Zodlet's head, knocking Zodlet unconscious and bleeding profusely. Lubin' was horrified, left in shock, unable to move momentarily, even as his member became excited. Sphinctor grabbed Zodlet's skinny ass and started probing his rectum with his gloved hoof, almost as if he was looking for something, but not quite sure what. He had gone over the edge, and nothing could bring him back to cold reality. Then he started to stroke both his cock and his banjo, an humped the hell out of the unconscious Zodlet. He missed a few times, and accidentally bumped Zodlet's head on the rough wood of the shack, causing more scars. This brought Skystroker out of his daze, and he realized he had to distract Sphinctor, before he killed Zodlet! But how? Then Skystroker knew, looking down at his engorged penis. He heard a voice in his head, saying, "Use the fist, Lube! Use the fist! But don't forget the Lube...." Skystroker shaped his fist accordingly, in preparation (H). Shocking Sphinctor, Lubin' grabbed Sphinctor's twitching tail, and scooped up the Astro-Glide from his secret jar that he kept for all ocassions. The jar glowed, the power was strong! Lubin' knew if he didn't shove his fist correctly up Sphinctor's rancid butt, all would be lost. Lubin' hummed the theme to "Deep Throat," so he could get in the mood, all cheesy and lovin' like. And then... HE SHOVED!!! And the fist... FUCKED!!! And... FUCKED!!! And Sphinctor said, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!" And so Lubin' fucked the sweetest piece of rancid donkey ass he would ever fuck in his life, and he fucked and he fucked and he fucked... 'til the force CAME! Sphinctor could not live with himself after this travesty, once again humiliated. He was going to off himself anyway, so he grabbed his smoking shotgun, and aimed it at his head. Unfortunately, his donkey ears got in the way of his aim, and he only blew away half his brain, leaving him a vegetable, a purple cabbage in fact. It was sad. "Purple stain...purple stain..." he muttered and drooled to himself. "Nobody cares about a poor cabbage about three in the morning." Lubin' was disgusted, an in remembrance of his good friend Zodpooh, he stuck Zodpooh's head upon a tall stick and left it for all to see in the Hundred-Acre Forrest, so they would not forget.... So Lubin' dragged Sphinctor's lazy butt into the shack and left him slobbering in it; and Skystroker Lubin' went back to lunch, alone and without friends. Zodlet, barely alive and still bleeding, arose from the blood-stained ground and crawled slowly back to his home on all fours, and on the way he told himself of the Awful Fuckup they had made. And when he had finished laughing half-heartedly, he softly sang the Outdoor Song for Shitty Weather the rest of the way home. He found Lube on the way back, cleaning his fist of the ugly liquids. Zodlet, who was still not quite sure of his wanker or where he was, started putting in the tiddely-porns with Lubin' again: "And I know it seems easy," said Zodlet to himself, "but it isn't every one who could do it." The more it blows-tiddely-porn, The more it fuckin' blows-tiddely-porn Heh The more it GOES-tiddely-porn On Shitting. And nobody Knows-tiddely-porn, How sore my ass-tiddely-porn How fuckin' sore my ASS-tiddely-porn is From Depraved Sphinctor's fucking.... And then Li'l Zodlet's heart gave out, and he went into cardiac arrest, and poor Skystroker sent him to the hospital for treatment. **NEXT TIME, TUNE IN FOR OUR NEXT ADVENTURE, "ZOMBIE ZODPOOH RETURNS!" IT WILL BE FUN, KIDDIES** © 1998 All rights reserved.