HAPPY DAOS NEW YEAR!!!

Ravings of the Mad (Editor) SPUNKY
were that is that that i can! Greetings and hallucinations all Spunky Cheese here with his well meant words of befuddlement and confusion. To those of you who are wise, i say repent! stupidity is a beautiful thing who's time has come. I wish to lead the heard in to the next millennium (insert frank black joke here.). now your probably asking your self just what is this fool blathering on about? well fellow Daos' I'm glad you asked. I spunky need a woman of discerning taste that i can take to lingerie parties and the such. a woman who can hold her own in the line of confusion and who can appreciate me as my own being, one who will make me do humiliating things and make me ask for more. yes spunky is trying to shed old useless baggage (those of you at Orycon witnessed the shameful display of my previous woman, who i no longer have any attachments to, smother and suffocate spunky's zest for life). spunky needs a woman, better yet a harem! spunky needs luving!!

now on the lighter side of news we have a real human interest story. balzac has won the title of master fool at fools fest this past September, narrowly escaping with his life i might add. Balzac won after my hard decision of having to select the contenders for their incredible feats of stupidity.
Paul: who got drunk and 4-wheeled his truck around and then promptly lost his keys. they were on the roof of his cab. (and won his dukedom due to his own stupidity Huza!) brew: who fell for my gag, believing that the drag races were still on and was actually the only entrant. (looking mighty fine in that tight skirt!) Danielle come back soon!!
Balzac: who thought brew was a woman and made many advances at him. also he was the only one who did not show up for the fight to the death therefor winning by default. (Paul and brew fought bravely to the death. the remains were littered around the camp, the hornets feasted well. i love you sparticus!!)
morgan won the LEGO compotition with her beguiling fettish borg. most interesting usage of crappy parts! spunky loves you all, spoogie!!

Editor's Note: Y'know, one minute Spunky's dusting and cleaning Brew's kitchen in that fetching French maid's outfit that the Brewmeister (aka Pretty Peaches aka Meow-Meow Cat-Scratch Fever) had bought him at great expense, wiggling his butt seductively at me (RAALLLLLPH!),when all of a sudden he disappeared while ye editor was watching another exciting episode of Hawaii Five-O. When I came for the final time while watching Dano blow away Chin Ho, I went down the Brewcave to discover this bit of nonsensical drivel on the ol' 'puter aka the Squeezebox...the horror, the horror. I've put Spunky back in his catbox cage, and even as I speak he is rolling around in Pandora's shit, happy as a clam. I apologize for this unspeakable travesty, it won't happen again. Maybe (I can be bribed).
A brief halloo to Belzac, the Master Chickenhawk of Orycon. The little tykes there really took a shine to you, and so did Spunky's healthy teeth. You all will make good chickenha-- I mean, daddies some day.
Incidentally, it would not be proper of Uncle Randy to end these ravings without a mention of our Bacchus Festival (complete with kiddie pool wine fountain and neon Caligula chamber) on New Year's Eve... it was a grand orgiastic SUCCESS! Perversion, frivolity, and wine were all in glorious abundance, oh my! A good tip of the cuban cigar must go to all our Daos friends for making this another-- "tasty"-- holiday! Just repeat after me, "I wasn't there and you can't prove it!"
A note to our Daos pilgrim Chris, speaking of New Year's: The Holy Fool's Holy Sneaker does not take kindly to being puked into! The Sneaker seeks vengeance! Cower in fear of the Holy Sneaker, Ben-Hurl! UNCLEAN! You are guilty! GUILTY!!! For penance Christian will be thrown to the Lions! Yeah!
Just remember, my friends, Scully is a lesbian, and Belzac's not. And did I mention I am the Booger King? I must speak to the goats now!

P.S.- Spunt, lissen up you bitch! And all you other Chickenhawks out there...Slippery Weasel too! This is very important news-type stuff: Belzac is STILL in the biffy (the flies are circling, and the bomb has been dropped). With Burt Ward. Get your cameras kiddies! It's gonna be a good time in the ol' Chickenhawk lair tonight! Yeehaha!
-Randall Gwynplaine the Holy Fool, zealous Pedophile Apostle of Daos

Zealous Chancellor's Notes
Well, the most important household vote this quarter was: Micheal is gay....we have proof (see photo). If any more pressing issues arise, we will beat them down! Also, please welcome Eden and Christian as new Pilgrims to House Daos! Till next quarter...

-Giuseppe, zealous Apostle of Daos

Upcoming Meetings:
February 2nd- A social meeting at the usual spot, the Brewhouse. Discussions on preparation for the Boogar Event (see calandar). what are you doing with that rain coat? oh ok it is a cheap source for comdoms.

February 9th- The pre-business meeting. Figure out any topics that you think should be discussed at the end-of-the-month business meeting. kids i just have to tell you that clams and clowns just don't mix gin and tonic does! splash of lime ummm!! good!

February 16th- Last social meeting of the month. The Zod Boys Chippendale's show held over for a second week!

February 23nd- Monthly business meeting. We will also have a small celebration for Randy's, Spunky's, and Micheal's birthdays....too bad Micheal won't be here (He is too busy pushing the sheep off of cliffs).

* top ten reasons Why Randy Still is Not Allowed to be in the Lesbian Club
10. Not that he really cares, 'cuz now he's the Booger King consort!
09.cause sex with brew is just to good!
08.cause he makes an ugly woman.
07.cause prudance wants all the chocolate.
06.ed wood in not just a life, it's an adventure!
05.in all of nature the is nothing scarier than a spunky little randy.
04.anti-lesbian kool-aid is just sick and wrong.
03.what can i say ...clams and clowns.
02.barbie pink lipstick just does not go with a visit to julie newmar
01.he still will not eat humus!!
00.Ron Jeremy is still the Hedgehog. (see below)

Words of the Prophet
The long planning AND HOURS OF SWEATING LABOR FOR THIS YEARS NEW YEARS BASH PAID OFF BIG TIME.! plenty OF naughty nymphs AND savvy satyrs SHOWED UP TO MAKE this party surpass ALL PREVIOUS PARTIES IN RECORDED HISTORY. the wine fountain AS centerpiece FOR THE Bacchus CHAMBER WAS AN INSPIRATION. i think brews PRUDENT SUGGESTION OF CONDOMIZING THE ENTIRE BASEMENT WAS PURE GENIUS. WE WILL certainly REPEAT THIS great EVENT NEXT YEAR, AS WE PLAN ON A TRULY Riotous PARTY ON THE EVE OF THE YEAR 2000--the mORONIUM. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DIDN'T GET ENOUGH DEBAUCHERY IN ONE NIGHT FOR YOUR SATISFACTION, OR FOR THOSE WHO MISSED OUT ON THE HIGHLIGHTS, the BOOGER EVENT IS COMING UP at THE beginning of MAY. MAKE READY WITH YOUR LOIN CLOTHES BOYS AND GIRLS!

-Uthyr the Unorthodox, Prophet of Daos

Next Month
Spunky Recipe Contest: Send us your Spunky recipe to go in the next Oracle publication, based on this month's revealing Words of the Prophet. The best recipe will be personally Spunktified and receive an honorary Daos Certificate of Insanity.
Spunky word Contest: find the word "spunky" in normal everyday things like the newspaper or books and win fame, fortune, and acclaime by SPUNKY.see your essteme soar to new levels that you never knew or suspeccted this is a real contest find my name damn it! photographs or copies accepted. *SEE EXSAMPLE PROVIDED. no real prize awarded for this contest, void where prohibited.
Booger Blatherings: Send the Oracle your Booger poem/song, you need not include your real name. Event Reviews: We'll take a candid look at the highlights of the halloween fiasco event.